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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Jozef. We haven’t seen each other in ages! He’s all like, “Dude, you still in town?” I’m like, “Yeah, man! Just trying to survive this crazy city.” We chat for a bit, and he tells me about this new job he got at the local factory. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, who wouldn’t want a steady gig, right?

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